could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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