Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
