Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
