we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My ass is underappreciated
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
