So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
