I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it hurts more in the daytime
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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