2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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