the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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