oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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