You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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