I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
