My room smells like vodka and shame
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
