she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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