While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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