i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
