This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
