If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
