for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
it's great music for shaving your balls
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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