It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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