i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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