So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
