i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You pole danced in your parka.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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