If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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