no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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