you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
