Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
