i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
