her vagine was all disorganized.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
