Do you still have your period?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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