i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
