On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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