dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
