Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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