I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
