Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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