Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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