I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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