Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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