my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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