guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
