I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
