When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
