If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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