my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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