There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
