He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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