oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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