dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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