Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
