all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
