I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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