We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Farmville is her only friend.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
