Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
