I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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