i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
