the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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