I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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