i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
