help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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