Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
