be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize