Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
