I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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