My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
