It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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