I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
