you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
