you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
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Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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