Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
